HOW THEY TREAT YOU~

We are what we allow…I know you are saying come again…well you know I plan to…we are what we allow…allow someone to treat you a kind of way and that is who and what you become…I encounter so many people, especially women, who buy into what their boyfriends, husbands, children, even parents say…and then they become that thing…
“You are fat and ugly, and no one will ever want you but me”…the man you love telling, you believing…might not be true, usually isn’t but buying into you have thus become…fat, ugly…
Don’t allow that, the first time someone says that to you, you have the unequivocal right to say, ‘No I am not, and don’t say that to me again…otherwise you and I will not be able to coexist peacefully…’ and then if it continues, move on…hard yes, necessary YES…
“If you don’t marry who I say or do it the way I did it, you are no longer my daughter, my son…” Ouch to heck…very painful…however as an adult you have the right to say…
“Mom, dad, I love you, God knows I do, however as an adult I will have to marry this person or have this career or raise my child this way because this is how God is directing me…” this of course doesn’t mean marry the first drug dealer or serial killer you meet, this is just common sense, grown up owning your own business…because you have my word that anyone who sends negative messages to an adult is trying in some way to control you…
Significant others do it because they are fearful that they may not be deserving of you and thus need to control and demean you…
Parents do it because they think they know best, when in some cases they have messed up their own lives, and what we as parents have to learn and accept is that our kids have as much right to mess up and learn from their mistakes as we did…
Many have asked me over the years how I learned to own myself and I tell them honestly, it was by learning that people who have my best interests at heart may advise me, but they don’t demean me, they may give their opinions, but they don’t tell me what to do, they may disagree with me but they don’t stop talking to me because we don’t agree, and they don’t say they love me and treat me as if they don’t…life is too damn short for that…so to be who God wants us to be we must, we have to be who HE determines us to be, not them…just RAMBLING…
BE PEACE….
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

THE RE-RAMBLED JOURNEY~

I am so many things, child of God, wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, auntie, friend, and I AM A WRITER…Since January 2006, I have published a total of eleven books, nine of which I have written solo, one anthology, Women Writes with Jennifer Coissiere, Darnetta Frazier and Shaneika Ferguson and I have published one by Tembe Jones, entitled Football Travels…tomorrow, is the debut of RE-RAMBLED: FOOD and THOUGHT: Ramblings Special Edition that was born right here on this blog. I can honestly say I have never been prouder of a published work. Re-Rambled is filled with me, my own words that have sustained me, recipes of food that has nourished me, and just bits and pieces that I pray will be food for thought for someone…so get your copy and go on this journey with me…I promise you will not be disappointed, money back guarantee…

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION~

Asking yourself, ‘What is your motivation every time you do something is hard…’ but it will transform what you do and how you do it…there have been so many times over the years when I did something I just didn’t want to do…but felt I had to, not because anyone even asked me, but, because I was scared not to…for fear that I would lose the person or the relationship if I didn’t do it…yes, this is a confession…
I can recall so many times I made phone calls or visits or bought things and the whole time I was talking or visiting or purchasing I was holding my breath until it was over…I was not comfortable, it was not a good situation, but there I was…because the person either expected it or I ASSUMED they expected it…so much a part of who I was, was dependent on doing that thing…
I recall about three years ago, I was visiting with this lady almost monthly, it was a chore…she and I had never really had a relationship, it was actually a residual of another relationship, but I felt compelled…when I got there she was bossy, snippy and felt that because she was older than I, she could say anything to me she wanted to…and I allowed it, but when the visit ended I was worn to a frazzle and could hear her in my head for days…the final straw came when I went for a visit and took her something and she railed on and on about what she wanted and that if a person would not do what she wanted or needed, then they may as well do nothing…ouch…when I drove away that day, I didn’t know that I wouldn’t return, but I didn’t, because even though I felt compelled to do it, I also knew that I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons and if I didn’t surgically remove myself from the situation I would end up saying something I was sorry for later…and I tell you I struggled with it mightily, good girls do you know…and wearing the label of good girl is often burdensome, because you find yourself in situations, doing things that if you had thought it through you know darn well you wouldn’t be there or doing that…
Since then there have been a few other situations that I have had to remove myself from for differing reasons with the same results, my getting and understanding that no matter how much I loved a person or wanted them to be part of my life, that it should be because they wanted to and not because of something I could do for them…dag, that is painful, because the risk to that whole thing is that if you lose what you had with that person once you stop doing, you have to deal with the fact that it was never about you but about the ‘doing’…’double ouch…
So every single morning before my feet hit the floor, after I thank God for another day, I ask for guidance in making sure that all the things I do are for and with the right motivation…
BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

I AM RAMBLINGS, RAMBLINGS IS ME~

I just completed Re-Rambled: Food and Thought: Ramblings Special Edition

And I am stoked, because I have written ten books, yes ten in less than five years and I love them all, and loved writing them, but RAMBLINGS is me, it is what shores me up, what gets me through, how I look at the world and so much of what I have learned and encountered...

Ramblings was born of my BLOG_ RAMBLINGS@ http://acvermen.blogspot.com. So many of the sisters who came by regularly suggested that I should put it in book form, I was thinking, 'Shoot, who is going to purchase a book that I have literally already given away...well it would seem quite a few people. Thanks Gwyneth Bolton, Shelia Goss and others for suggesting it...also thanks to those who come by and leave mostly positive messages and even thanks to the few trouble makers who have come by, you have given me even more to Ramble about...so on April 15, 2010 you can all purchase my new book and talk and talk and talk...

Tee, you know I didnt forget about you...you REALLY HAVE SUPPORTED THE RAMBLING WOMAN LIKE NO ONE ELSE...and I 'PRECIATE IT MUCH...

ANGELIA
acvermen.blogspot.com
www.angeliamenchan.com coming SOON~

STYLIN~

I know my own style, it is a bit eclectic, classic, conservative… when I was a young girl, I had no problem wearing slides with my dress up dresses or carrying a clutch bag in high school, folk found me a bit weird, I remember a boy saying, that if he had a job, which I did, he would really be dressed up, I think he was trying to diss me, because I didn’t buy into or embrace the fashions that others wore, shoot I wasn’t interested in the clothes that everyone wore, they had nothing to do with me, I was a levi’s jeans, cashmere sweaters, curly afro, loafers wearing chic..and could afford even at the tender young age to go to jeansville junction or belks and buy what I wanted…
During my twenties and thirties I became a mama, and looking back, I dressed like a mama, lots of two piece outfits, pumps and the like, my only concession to style was my gold bangles and my often two inches of hair, but you know what that was so me…at the time…
Nowadays, a sister does what suits her, I still love my bracelets, but they are bound to be paired with pearls wrapped around my wrist instead of my throat and I have a plethora of scarves, tights in all colors, more sweaters than the law should allow and dresses, dresses, dresses…shoes gotta be a bit funky, yet comfortable…and I loves my red lips, oh yes I do~ I know what I like, feel comfortable dressed up or down and will not wait for the fashion mags to tell me what to put my five-foot, ten inch, sized sixteen body in~ I know my style~ and I like it~

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

SELF_ISH

Okay, confession time… One of the hardest things in the world for me was to be about me,
To just do me and what I want to do, there I said it, used to think it was because I was the oldest child, well, umm found out that isn’t necessarily so, some first children have no issue with it at all…
I will say that I have gotten better at it, for years I denied myself anything that would be considered frivolous, well almost anything, I always purchased books…but other things I felt as though it were wrong to do, even when I could afford it, didn’t buy clothes for myself without buying something for the kids or my man, made me feel virtuous and less selfish…never had a manicure or pedicure until a few years ago, seemed a waste of good money, though I wanted to, and guess what could afford it, just didn’t do it, would gift other folks extravagantly and be miserly with me…ummph ummph ummph!
Then gradually, something shifted, I changed, my spirit changed and I realized that it was okay to do for me, after all, my tithes were paid, my bills were paid, I invested in my 401K, my kids were grown, so what in the world was wrong with doing for me and where oh where did that come from…
Then I realized it came from a lot of different places, mostly fear, I had spent a great deal of my time, watching people and one thing I never wanted to be was ‘stereotypical’. I never wanted to be the sister who didn’t have anything to show but how she looked and what she wore, so I avoided that, was frugal and conservative…because believe you me, I knew so many who bought into, ‘Fake it till you make it, look good no matter what…’ also, there was the people I allowed in my head, ‘You don’t need that, or this or the other…’ Never questioned why they felt like that, just accepted it…and one of my biggest fears was to have those I love disapprove of my in some way…didn’t show it, I was a cool as a popsicle in an igloo, but it was still true, because you do know don’t you, that just because folk can’t see, it doesn’t mean it ain’t real…
But gradually, the closer I got to God and the more I learned about the Word and my spirit flourished, I realized it was just as sinful to not take care of myself as it was to not do for others…so I stopped trying to hide, and pretend I didn’t care about things…that I did, I decided that as long as God was pleased with me and my house was in order, I could do things I love, and that there was no harm in taking good care of the one who took care of others…ME~
BE PEACE~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

ISH

There are a ton of things I planned to RAMBLE about this morning,
As I was driving on the Dames Point bridge, I think of what I need to say,
To heal, to minister,
First I thought I would talk about how uncommon common sense is,
And I will,
Then I said, ‘Girl, you need to touch on self-ownership,
Okay I will do that to,
So here it is,
One of the things that cause me to cringe is how many common things,
People have to be told,
The other day, I was sitting in my office, talking to a co-worker,
And another co-worker walked in and started to talk to the person in my office,
She didn’t say good morning, how are you doing, go to heck,
Nada~~
So I said, ‘Good morning how are you?’
She looked at me proclaiming, ‘Oh hi Angelia, I was so focused that I didn’t even say good morning…”
I quietly said, ‘Common courtesy never goes out of style, we should never enter another’s space without at a minimum acknowledging them…’
She made a big production of going out and coming back in,
And speaking…
Have mercy,
I knew it was all show,
But my goal was just to make her think about it,
Come on, manners aren’t fads,
They are always in style,
Then the self-ownership thing,
I am amazed,
Utterly amazed at the numbers of people,
Who hold themselves responsible for nothing,
Nothing!
They can have been fired from five jobs,
Been in trouble with the law,
Married seven times,
Had six kids with six different people,
And they will find a way to blame,
Their mama,
Their daddy,
Their woman or their man,
Or THE MAN,
And never once own,
That they were fired because they just weren’t cutting it,
Or that people who commit what society has deemed a crime,
If caught will go to jail,
Or that if you have a child,
You are responsible in many ways to that child,
And to the person you made child with,
Does people not know these things,
And whatever happened to being self-taught,
I am not just talking about the person who taught himself to fix cars,
So he is great mechanic,
Or the person who is charismatic,
And became a sought after speaker,
Though those are awesome things to be sure,
What about if you grow up in a bad place,
Teaching yourself how to get to a better place,
If you were abused by someone,
Getting yourself some help and never abusing again,
Or knowing that no matter what your age is,
If you engage in unprotected sex acts,
There is good chance you will become a parent,
And that once you become a parent like it or lump it,
For all intents and purposes you are grown,
That it is no longer about you,
But about that child,
And lo and behold that each person must pay his or her own way,
Never take anything from anyone that you can’t in some way pay back or pay forward,
You give a person total ownership when you allow him or her to take care of you,
Also, never ever cut off the hand or legs that feed you,
No matter how smart you are,
Or how you think you got it going on,
Or with have it going on,
There are times when you will absolutely,
Unequivocally, without a doubt need someone,
And those arms and legs you chopped off,
Are floating about somewhere unable to reach out to assist you,
Because they no longer exist…
This may not mean much to anyone,
Or might mean a lot to someone,
But for me it was just some ‘ISH’
That needed saying…

BE PEACE~
Angelia